


How Can I Decide?

by BlodkruWrites



Series: How Did We Get Here [2]
Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Break Up, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Past Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Post-Break Up, Post-Breaking Dawn, Post-Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:08:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26674927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlodkruWrites/pseuds/BlodkruWrites
Summary: Bella gets it. After a century since she's turned, she gets why Edward never wanted this for her.Alternatively: After they're split, Bella meets a human she can't bring herself to tell the truth to. She can't bring herself to change him, so she lets him go.Part TWO of Bella and Edward get a divorce.
Relationships: Bella Swan/Original Male Character(s), Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Series: How Did We Get Here [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940938
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	How Can I Decide?

**Bella is about 117. Year 2105.**

* * *

They’re sitting in the living area of the Villa they all currently occupy. They had decided Spain during the winter might be a nice change from the bustle and politics of the US. Bella was reading  _ Wuthering Heights _ for the thousandth time or so. Even after a hundred years since she first read it, she can’t stop. Edward had come through the door after hunting with Jasper and Emmett. Bella dropped her shield and whispered his name in her mind. He joined her and asked what she had wanted to say.

“I understand now.” She said. There’s a soft look in her eyes he hasn’t seen in so, so long. “I couldn’t bring myself to even tell him what I am. I don’t think I could ever ask him to choose me over his mortality.”

Even after sixty years, they were still separated but on the most civil of terms. This was Edward’s family first and Bella loved them all too much to leave. It made no sense for either to leave because their feelings had changed. Almost nothing had changed really. Only now they had separate “bedrooms” and didn’t feel obligated to spend time together. They could handle seeing each other daily as long as they talked about what they still felt. Even if it included seeing others.

Bella put her book down and motioned to the chair across from her. Edward sat as he listened. “Tell me about him.”

So she does.

“He was so sweet when we met. So sweet and naïve.” Bella couldn’t help the smile across her face, though there were etchings of heartbreak. “It was when Alice convinced me to go to Paris with her, back in 2085. I should have known she was up to something.”

* * *

_ The boy had been staring at her for an hour now. _

_ Bella knows he is, she can feel his eyes on her with every step she takes around the shop. Alice acts completely unaware but Bella knows she knows. Every time Bella looks back at him, he quickly looks away. Not quick enough. He’s not really a boy, he’s definitely older than she looks. His dark brown skin looked warm and inviting, lines around his face from years of smiling, dark eyes that had probably seen years and years of life. But he’s a boy all the same to her. _

_ “Alice.” Bella tries to get her attention quietly. Alice again acts oblivious as she looks through the stacks of beautiful clothing. Other than a vacation somewhere she actually wanted to go, Bella wasn’t sure why she agreed to come with Alice. Not even Jasper had wanted to. “Alice!” She hissed. This time the pixie of a woman looked at her. _

_ “Everything is going to be fine, Bella.” It was the confident smile that made Bella uneasy. “Why don’t you say hi to your admirer?” Alice teased. Bella rolled her eyes and dumped the pile of clothes she had been carrying into Alice’s waiting arms. Bella took an unnecessary deep breath and straightened herself out. She turned on her heel and walked directly to the boy. His dark eyes widened as he realized where exactly she was walking to. He did his best to look busy and picked up the closest thing to him. A shirt that was almost too small for Alice. _

_ “Do you speak English?” She asked him. Though she was immortal, Bella still wasn’t the best with languages. She relied on the others for that still. The boy had nodded, the curls around his face swaying with the movement. Bella felt a need to brush them from his face. “You’ve been staring at me for an hour. Is there something you wanted to say?” She may have never had the confidence to do this as a human, but as a century old vampire it was second nature. She was aware she ‘dazzled’ people now too. _

_ The boy opened his mouth multiple times like he wanted to say something but couldn’t. Bella waited patiently until he finally managed some words out. “You- you are so beautiful. You look like Snow White come to life.” She did not miss the familiar comparison. His voice was accented and deep. She could guess he was probably born in France, maybe a village away from the big cities. _

_ “Thank you. But that isn’t any reason to stare at someone you don’t know.” She raised a perfect brow. He fumbled for his words again. _

_ “My apologies.” He bowed his head slightly. “Maybe we can know each other. My name is Raphael, and you are?” Bella had to give him kudos for being so bold. She’d been approached by numerous men and boys before. None were so kind to ask her name first. _

_ She debated which name she could use. Bella had been reserved for the family for years now. Her first name was common enough. “Marie.” She said. “My name is Marie Dwyer. It’s very nice to meet you Raphael.” She stretched out her hand. He took it and gave it a warm squeeze with both his. Bella felt something spread in her chest at the warm touch. It was so nice, so sweet, and friendly. She wanted to feel more. “If we want to get to know each other then we should spend more time together, right?” _

_ Raphael had nodded and quickly asked for her number. Bella had told him it. When he said he would not remember it without it written down, she shrugged and smiled. “If you really want to see me, you’ll remember.” _

_ It might have taken him a day or two to remember but he did. _

* * *

“He was just so genuine and kind.” Bella looked at Edward. “There weren’t any ulterior motives and he just wanted to get to know me. He asked about such human, such mundane things I didn’t know how to answer some of them.”

Edward nodded. “I can understand that.” He said. Bella rolled her eyes. “I’m sure it’s no different than the questions you asked me at first.” She had to give him that.

“It was just so refreshing. Not talking about hunting or where was safest to move to next or have to worry about one nomad or the other turning us into the Volturi for who knows what.” Bella leaned back in her chair. “It was the most human I’ve felt since turning. It lasted two years but I didn’t want to give it up.” The sadness that overcame her was evident on her face. Edward remembered those two years. It was the only time Bella had decided to be on her own. She checked in with everyone almost weekly but for the most part, she was on her own. The only time they knew where she was in the world was when Alice told them she had a vision.  _ If _ she told them. Bella had asked her to just this once, not tell everyone what she saw about her. When they did hear from her, Bella sounded…alive. She sounded like how she did when she first turned; so full of freedom and endless possibilities.

When she came back it was like something was missing from her.

Edward already knew the answer but asked anyway. “Why did it stop?”

Bella wiped a nonexistent tear away. “I had to end it.”

* * *

__

_ It was not supposed to last this long. _

_ Two years of having some kind of human life was more than what she deserved. Two years of excuses to not go to the beach or not wanting to go outside. Two years of soft touches and kisses to her lips that would have left her breathless. Two years of avoiding questions and not talking about her life before. She had become too good at lying. _

_ This was supposed to be a weekend fling at best. _

_ It came to a head when Raphael all but begged Bella to meet his family. “They have been dying to meet you for over a year, mon couer. Just have dinner with us this one time.” They had just celebrated Raphael’s twenty-eighth birthday. Bella had managed to avoid any food related settings. A handful of times she had gone to dinner with Raphael and ended up making herself hurl by the end of the night. It was not enjoyable to say the least. _

_ “Fine. When?” She relented. They met his family for dinner late the next night. Bella had heard about his family more than once by now. His mother was elderly and stern but could be kind. His sister was like any other, obnoxious but meant well. His father was like his mother but didn’t speak often. It’s just who he was, Raphael had said. _

_ The dinner had gone well. It was a little hard for Bella to keep up with the limited French Raphael had taught her. She would really need to dedicate some time to other languages soon. Raphael’s sister, Adele, knew a little English and tried to make Bella feel comfortable by speaking it. His parents only knew French but were understanding she would need a little help. _

_ At one point, Raphael’s father spoke up. It was clear he was asking a question but Bella could only catch a few words. By the way Raphael and Adele stiffened near her, she could only assume it wasn’t any easy question. _

_ “He wants to know if you-ah,” Adele tried to translate. It looked like she was trying to make this easy for Bella. “If you have any plans for the future? Dating and marriage and children, something like that?” Bella had stilled the fork she’d been mussing with. _

_ Of course this would be brought up. She knew it would at some point, there was no avoiding it. She had been able to dance around it with Raphael. They were both content to just live for now. But he was getting older and she… wasn’t. She knew she had only a few more years at best before someone brought it up. She could blame good genetics but only to a point. _

_ Marriage and children would never come for them. There were so many things she had never told him, had never brought up. He didn’t even know her real name. _

_ It was during that dinner that Bella realized she had made a mistake in thinking this could be anything more than a passing fling. She had wasted this man’s time and put off the inevitable for herself. She could never bring him into her world. Seeing this man so full of love, light, and happiness turn into a hollow version of it was almost worse than losing him. He had such life about him she could never end. Knowing one day the heartbeat she adored and listened to almost nightly would end one day left a raw feeling in her. She understood now. _

_ It hurt almost as much as when Edward had left her. She couldn’t really compare the two, her human feelings were all but blanks in her memory. But she knew it had to hurt like this. _

_ “I think we should stop seeing each other.” Bella had said. It was a week after the dinner and five days of her avoiding him. She had to distance herself as quickly as possible. She had asked him if she could come over to his flat for a short visit. He didn’t understand why it had to be short. _

_ “I don’t understand. Why should we stop seeing each other?” He reached out to take her hand. Bella had pulled away almost too fast. “Marie, what is going on?” _

_ She had to pick her words carefully. “There are things about me you don’t know and I can never tell you. There are things I can never give you or ask you to give up.” _

_ Raphael took a few moments to take it in. “Is this about what my father asked? About marriage and children? I don’t care or need those things, Marie.” _

_ “My name isn’t Marie.” She felt her hands shaking as she shoved them into her coat pockets. She didn’t know they could do that. “Marie is my middle name. My real name is Isabella, Bella. Isabella Marie Swan.” Raphael looked at her shocked. “I’ve lied to you about who I am. I’ve told you things about me that are lies and kept things you deserved to know. You don’t even know what I am.” The last part slipped out on accident. _

_ Raphael didn’t miss it. “What do you mean what you are?” _

_ “Nothing. We are done, Raphael. I’m so sorry it had to be like this.” She shook her head as she spoke and made her way back out his front door. _

_ “I love you.” He said. Bella felt a hard stab in her chest. “Does that count for nothing?” Bella couldn’t make herself turn back to him. She kept walking out the door and didn’t stop until she completely crossed Paris. She wasn’t surprised when a familiar small frame came out of the shadows and joined her. _

_ Alice had offered no comforting words. Only kept at her side with a forlorn look on her face. “I had hoped for a different outcome,” was all she said. _

* * *

__

Bella ended her story with a heavy sigh. She had curled into herself and held her legs close to her chest. “I understand why you left before, why you almost didn’t come back.” Her head was propped on her knee as she looked at Edward.

“It’s hard,” He said, “wanting to be with someone so much you’d give up your own immortality for it. But knowing you could never ask them to give up their mortality.” He offered her a kind smile. “I think you did better than I did, if it’s any consolation.”

Bella scoffed. “I left him in his apartment not the forest. Of course it’s better.” She felt herself grow heavy with grief. “Thank you for listening.” Her mental shield had gone back up at some point during her story. She couldn’t let him feel everything she had. It was the one thing she had to remember Raphael by.

“Why did this come up now? It’s been twenty years since you last saw him.” Edward leaned forward in his seat. “Did something happen?” He couldn’t read Bella’s face.

She nodded, reaching into her pocket. She pulled out her phone and showed him a blue and white screen. As he looked at he could see the face of Raphael he had glimpsed in Bella’s memories. Only older. Stood beside him in a beautiful white gown was a woman with dark hair. “Y’know social media makes it very easy to check up on people you haven’t seen in years.” A sad smile took over her. Edward understood.

“He got married.”

Bella nodded. “He’s  _ happy _ .” Bella tells him about the countless phone calls and text messages she got for almost two years after she broke up with Raphael. “He said I was the love of his life that he couldn’t move on from me. I tried so hard not to answer.” Edward nodded, he understood the feeling. “But I kept checking up on him. Found him online and would see what he was up to, what he had done. His sister had a baby, a little girl. She’s six now and she’s got Raphael wrapped around her finger.” The pain in her voice was real. It was all too familiar to Edward. “He met his wife, Iliana, a few years after I left. She was a good friend to him before they got together. Always posted pictures of them together that were cute. You can see him changing, getting happier, with every picture.” She dropped the phone to her lap. “I know I made the right choice but…”

“But it still hurts.” Edward spoke. She nodded. He stood and came to kneel in front of her. She wasted no time and leaned into him as he hugged her. “You did the right thing, Bella. It may have hurt him then and you hurt now but it’s for the best. He can have his life and you can always know you meant the world to someone. Someone else.” She rested her head in the crook of his neck. She knew what he meant.

“Thank you.” She let herself relax a little and welcome the familiar embrace. She sighs and closes her eyes. “I don’t regret changing. I am glad I did, even if it could have been under better circumstances.” 

Edward gave a light chuckle. “You could say that.” They stayed like that for a few moments longer before pulling away. “Thank you for telling me about Raphael. I’m glad someone else was able to give you some kind of happiness. Even for a short while.” Bella gave him a soft smile.

“Thank you for always being here.” 


End file.
